hmm

I bot a new scale the other day. I want back in. I confessed so much to the fiancee the other day. I told him I purge at least once a day and that I just fucking hate everything about myself. It took a lot to say anything and to be honest I REALLY wish I didn't. He's always asking now if I've thrown up that day and if I say yes he gets mad. I should have known that he wouldn't understand the lack of control I have over this. I'm back to being extra fat instead of kinda fat, 152 today. How very dissapointed in myself you have no idea. The plan for tomorrow Breakfast: English Muffin, Lunch: Green Salad, Dinner: Soup. I'm gonna try and keep something like that going and then cut down gradually. I really really really hate mia, she doesn't do fuck all for me except fro the fact that it makes me feel better after i've done it. I was reading on "I will be a size 0" that her friend lost 22 pounds in 2 weeks by taking a weight loss drug called duromine. I'm gonna go to the doctor tomorrow and see if I can get on it and if I can't I have some connections with things like this so hopefully I can get it either way lol. I don't know what to do with my life these days. I'm so everywhere. I want to move to alberta and work as a heavy hauler cuz they get paid soooo much money but I'm supposed to move in with my fiancee next month and everything is just going sooooo fast. I'm not sure what I'm wanting. What do I do ?