PF called. Asked if I wanted to run around and do airends with him. I asked if he could wait 10 minutes so I could wash my hair. Of course he said no. Its all about him and his timelines. I'm just his rag doll he picks up and puts down when its convenient for him. I'm sick of always doing what he wants, when he wants and me not getting any say.
I bet he would listen if I was worthy of his attention. He probably wont even care until I'm around 120. Maybe then he'll want to be seen with me. I'm only doing it for him. It's always for him. It's always been "maybe if I'm thinner he'll give me a say or give a damn at all".
Why would he ask me to marry him if we weren't going to be equal partners? It's always him, him, him. I can't remember the last time he asked me what I want to do. I don't even think there's been a time when I ask him to hang out and he says yes because it's not on HIS schedule. I'm getting serious cold feet. He doesn't value me the way he should. He doesn't care about me the way he should. He doesn't care what I think or feel or want. It will always be about him.
Unless I lose 50 pounds. Maybe I can have some of his attention then. Only then will I even feel worthy of his attention and love.
Off to the treadmill.
xoxo Sasha.
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