PF called. Asked if I wanted to run around and do airends with him. I asked if he could wait 10 minutes so I could wash my hair. Of course he said no. Its all about him and his timelines. I'm just his rag doll he picks up and puts down when its convenient for him. I'm sick of always doing what he wants, when he wants and me not getting any say.
I bet he would listen if I was worthy of his attention. He probably wont even care until I'm around 120. Maybe then he'll want to be seen with me. I'm only doing it for him. It's always for him. It's always been "maybe if I'm thinner he'll give me a say or give a damn at all".
Why would he ask me to marry him if we weren't going to be equal partners? It's always him, him, him. I can't remember the last time he asked me what I want to do. I don't even think there's been a time when I ask him to hang out and he says yes because it's not on HIS schedule. I'm getting serious cold feet. He doesn't value me the way he should. He doesn't care about me the way he should. He doesn't care what I think or feel or want. It will always be about him.
Unless I lose 50 pounds. Maybe I can have some of his attention then. Only then will I even feel worthy of his attention and love.
Off to the treadmill.
xoxo Sasha.
Showing posts with label ana. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ana. Show all posts
Monday, June 1, 2009
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Me
I'm 19, my name is Sasha. I have an eating disorder and I think that's ok. I was 195 pounds at my worst. I'm 150 now. I love the feeling I get when I'm full of water and nothing else. I'm canadian. Any Canadian Ana's looking for a buddy for texting or emailing leave me your adress and we'll hook up.
Today has been a bad one. had 3 handfulls of chips and a bowl of pasta salad. I feel disgusting. I'm going to have a bath and read my copy of Wintergirls for inspiration. After that I think I will take my dog for a long walk throught the part to burn some calories.
Tomorrow is gonna be a busy dau but if I can fit it in I'm gonna get in some serious work out time. I just want to be tiny. 100 pounds. Well I mean if Im gonna go to 100 I really should go to 99. I can hit double digits and that's what I want.
xoxo ttfn Sasha
Today has been a bad one. had 3 handfulls of chips and a bowl of pasta salad. I feel disgusting. I'm going to have a bath and read my copy of Wintergirls for inspiration. After that I think I will take my dog for a long walk throught the part to burn some calories.
Tomorrow is gonna be a busy dau but if I can fit it in I'm gonna get in some serious work out time. I just want to be tiny. 100 pounds. Well I mean if Im gonna go to 100 I really should go to 99. I can hit double digits and that's what I want.
xoxo ttfn Sasha
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