I for sure lose weight top to bottom. I'm 142 and I can see bones in chest as well as my colas bones protruding a lot. I love it so much. If that isnt motivation what is??? I'm extatic!!!

K. So. That was lame.

Birthday and Thanksgiving fucked everything up. Gained 3 pounds. I just finished losing those pounds but I'm obviously not happy because I shouldn't have let myself gain them in the first place. Back to 143. I feel like I'm never gonna get out of the 140's I'm so discouraged.

Today i've had a coffee and a diet coke. It's 7:00 here so I hope I don't binge at the last second like I did last night. It was a smallish binge and I got like 90% of it up but still. If I hadn't done that I know I would've been 142 this morning.

Sorry I haven't posted in so long btw. My computer is broken and I'm waiting for it to be fixed. I'm on the fiancees computer right now so I should finish up for now.

Love to all of you!

happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me. I'm still a dumb fatty. Happy birthday to me.

All I want this birthday is someone I can text who understands. It helps when I'm in an appetite crisis. A serious person from Canada or who can text outside the U.S. Fuck I dont wanna be 20 and fat. At least I know I won't be fat when I turn 21

I need to move out. My mom knowing something is making me so paranoid. I just keep eating ant purging to see if she'll stop acting so suspicous... She hasn't and now I'm fatter. What joy. Its making me so so sick because I hardly eat and when I do I purge it up. Its fucking up my body. J dont know where to move or with who. There's always the fiancée but I still want to wait untill our other friends do so j can see if that works out or not. What do I do??? Plz help

oh no. Oh fucking no. I was having a panick attack last night and my mom was trying to calm me down. She said " I know you've been going through a lot. I know everything even though you think I dont." then she said we're gonna talk today.

I ate today. A lot. A burger and fries for lunch and yam fries for dinner. For some fucked up reason I didnt purge any of it. I worked out reAlly hardcore today twice tho so I hope I'm good. In hoping and praying I'm retaining water cuz I weighed myself ( at the end of the night) and I was 147. Fucked up.

I really NEED a texting buddy. Really badly. Let me know if your interested.

2 day binge

I have to post my shame. Last night I had a fish burger and salad then the fiancée ordered pizza and a mud pie and I ate half of both. The night before that was my birthday dinner and I had baked wpaghetty with meatballs, as well as Brie and garlic on a french roll. Then, of course, cake.

That was my 2 day binge of shame. The shittiest part of it was I JUST hit 142. Lowest weight yet and I just decide to eat like a mainiac. Can someone give me some advice or words of wisdom. What I would really love is for someone to call me fat and disgusting and anything else they can think of. I mean it.