So Holy Shit.

My fucking account got hacked into sooo long ago and I just got everything back up.

Its been months and my life got kind of fucked around again.

Me and my the guy I was engaged to got back together and that was disasterous so we broke up yesterday.

Stil fucking hate my body and every little detail about myself.

Guess life hasn't changed too too much.

I'll give a better update really soon I just wanted to put it out there that I'm back

Today was a bowl of soup, big bowl of salad, and maybe a 100 calorie yoghurt later.

updizzle

Alright this will be a good update. Since ex fiancee and I broke up I've basically been fine but he keeps trying to get me back. Last night I was hammered and broke down and decided to let him give me a ride home from a party. Only we ended up going to his house. Long story short while we're fooling around I had to ask 'so have you slept with anyone since we broke up?' He said yes. I absolutely flipped out. Made him take me home. Now he wants to talk to me tomorrow and I don't want to see him but he's being really persistant.

Right when he said that he slept with someone else all I could think was 'I bet she was thin and pretty'. He's gonna feel like an idiot because I'm on my way to dropping another 10 pounds and he'll be kicking himself even more. Losing 10 pounds of spite weight is gonna be nice.

Today I had a bowl of spaghetti and half a pomegranite. I'm sure the spaghetti was loaded with shitty calories but I'm not having anything else besides water today.

It sucks I can't work out today and probably not for a few days. My back went out at work today. I've never had back issues before and it's just so painful. Need to get better soon so I can get back on the eliptical machine.

Fast tomorrow. No exceptions. I'm too sad to eat.

it's been a while for sure

Well I broke up with the fiancee for good this time. Know how I know? Theres a new boy in the picture. He's so nice...maybe too nice. Not sure yet but anyway. He is soooo hot. He's like man pretty. He's like art or something. He's real skinny though. I usually go for fat guys. I'm giving this skinny guy a chance though. Do you know how motivating it is to be with someone who's smaller than you? I've been to the gym loads and I'm going again tonight.

My eating has been shit lately just always hovering between 139 and 143. I really want to lose loads more now, and fast. I'm going to. Wish me luck. I've missed blogging and reading blogs. <3 you girls

Update

So i've been 139 for a while now. I hit a goal and then got comfy. NEXT PLEASE! I'm gonna go for 135. Start a fast tomorrow. I'm thinking just a 2 day because for some reason at the end of a 3 day I feel really sick. So i'll do a 2 day fast, then a light food day and another 2 day fast and hopefully that'll do it. Wish me luck on that front.

So I'm friends with this girl and she's 16 and she's like 10 pounds heavier than me and i've gotten her totally obsessed with weight too. I decided I'm not gonna talk to her about it anymore. It's not fair that I get her into this life. I feel really bad about it actually. Plus she's just SO immature. I can't deal with trying to have this adult lifestyle and adult problems and then she has this 12 year old attitude and I'm like OMG what am I doing with this girl ?

My mom jokingly said she wants me to move out. I don't think that's a joke. I feel terrible. I think I'm going to go on disability because of my anxiety :( I can't do ANYTHING. So I'm gonna have to move into a shit hole :'( without my mama... but at least I wont have any food.

!!!!!!!!MOMENTUS

I saw 139.9 today. Now I know I can do it. It almost feels easy. So excited for life right now